With what we’ve all been seeing on the news lately, I just have to say a few things about the younger Fifty Shades of Grey generation.
First of all, If you feel you are being physically or mentally abused then that’s not BDSM.
And you need to reach out and tell someone Now! Do not suffer in silence! Pick up the phone and call 1800-799-Abuse or 7233. There is someone there 24/7.
If you’ve just met a guy and you are already talking and flirty in a way where he thinks you want to be spanked, and you are teasing him, STOP IT! You just might be asking for a violent night.
This guy has no idea what the real world of BDSM is. And neither do you.
When college aged men or men in general hear women talking about Fifty Shades of Grey they automatically think about sex and bondage. Most have never read the Fifty Shades books, or seen the movie. But fifty shades isn’t solely to blame either.
More than likely these men might have read a few articles on the subject. Some have even over heard or talked to other guys about it. But they aren’t getting the facts about the real BDSM lifestyle.
BDSM stands for, B & D – Bondage and Discipline, D & S – Domination and Submission, S & M – Sadism and Masochism
The term BDSM covers a lot of ground
There are Men out there that only see the fantasy of having a woman naked and bound to a bed. And all they want is to have their way with them.
Women have to be even more careful now than ever before. There are a lot of uneducated young people out there who think if a woman liked Fifty Shades of Grey then they automatically want rough sex. People actually forget to use their brains these days.
My advice is to be careful. If a guy you’ve just met is talking about bondage and wants to spank your ass then Run, run as fast as you can in the other direction. Call a friend to pick you up. Stay in a place where there are lots of people and wait for your friend. Don’t lose your head. Stay strong and stay safe.
When you do finally click on one of these purple BDSM’s you will see the definition; It will either scare the shit out of you and your partner or it will intrigue you both. Either way you will learn something.
Don’t ever think reading an erotic romance novel is all you need in the way of research to join the world of BDSM.
Sure reading a fictional story can make for an interesting night of kinky hot sex. But it’s just sex.
With my own erotic romance novel I did lots of research. But it’s certainly not enough for anyone to decide where to take their sex life.
Sure I was responsible and explained BDSM as much as I could. I stressed SSC, which is Safe Sane, and Consensual. Or RACK, which is Risk, aware, consensual kink.
If you want to know about the world of kinky BDSM then You need to do your own research. And you need to do a lot of it.
Fetlife is a place that will open your mind and eyes to what is really going on in the world of BDSM and kink.
Also search for websites that let you ask questions.
WordPress has quite a few that I myself love to read. Look to the right of my page and see Blogs I follow. Click on a few. From there click on their blogs that they follow too.
I haven’t found one yet that was or is irresponsible. Everyone is open and honest.
But before you jump into this lifestyle with both feet you will need to have a real partner, meaning one who has been by your side for many years. It’s important.
This way when you start talking about adding this kind of thing to your life, you can find out what it is you both want to add. Kink is not a one size fits all for your sex life.
Another thing, don’t get upset if your partner has been dreaming of things you never thought he or she would ever dream of. It’s kink, and it’s a fantasy come to life. If you open the door be prepared for anything.
Here’s just few ingredients that are a must to make a kinky relationship successful.
To start with you will need: One solid loving foundation.
One where you actually communicate about taking that steps into the world of BDSM and kinky sex.
Then there are the five ingredients that make every relationship successful;
Trust, Honesty, Communication, Respect and Sex.
If you don’t have all five ingredients then my advice is to work on your relationship before adding anything new to the mix.
Ask yourself right now if you have these five keys.
Then ask yourself If your relationship is solid enough to handle a kinky lifestyle change.
Have you even talked about BDSM with your spouse?
Or is this just a fantasy of yours that you think will bring you both closer together? If its the latter think again.
Sure adding a little spice to your sex life is a good thing.
But be careful what you wish for. If that foundation isn’t solid or if you both don’t communicate well with one another to begin with, then you just might be opening up Pandora’s box.
You need to believe that this is not something to take lightly.
There are too many reports of abuse happening around the country right now not to take this seriously.
Here’s a question for you; Do you even know if your partner is interested is changing your sex life? Does he have a fetish? Could he be a Dominant or even the submissive? Maybe he’s a Sadist. These are things to think about.
This is where the communication comes in. You both need to constantly stay in touch with each other.
Ladies if your partner doesn’t Respect you then I need to ask, why the fuck are you still with this person?.
If your partner doesn’t care about your feelings, or won’t discuss sex with you then what the hell are you doing with this person?
Life is way to short to be unhappy. We all deserve a life where we can be ourselves. We deserve partners who support us too.
And guys this goes for you too. I mean both sexes need to have trust and honesty. But above all you both need to be respected. And respect does go both ways.
I wish someone would tell me why women think it’s Okay to just hand the keys to their kingdom over to a one night stand.
Where is her self-esteem?
Does she even care or think about her own safety?
Before any of you even think about asking someone to tie you up, you had better be prepared and know this person well.
You need to be able to trust this person with your life.
And you had better understand that once you are tied up he has a lot of control.
But in a real BDSM relationship you would have the control.
Yes you just read that right.
The submissive has the control.
She/he is in control.
And when the submissive lets herself go, She knows her Dominant always has her best interest at heart.
He knows when to stop.
She can stop a scene with one word.
And that’s why you always have a safe-word. You also need to talk about hard-limits.
If you don’t know what a safe-word or a hard-limit is I suggest you look them up.
The BDSM world has rules.
And while I’m telling you to do the research you need to understand that this lifestyle isn’t only about sex.
You read that right too.
It’s about unconditional love and commitment.
There’s a connection between two people that is strong.
Lack of communication or trust issues is what will make the foundation crumble.
But if you open up and respect one another and talk openly and honestly to each Other you will become one.
You will know each other inside and out.
And the relationship becomes a beautiful thing to cherish.
No, There are no mind readers. That’s only for fictional romance novels.
Sure there are times when my Dominant Sir knows exactly what I want before I do.
But that’s because we’ve been together for so long t He knows what I like and what I don’t.
My Dominant Sir would never in a million years harm me in any way.
He’s caring and respectful.
He wants to please me in every way.
And I want to please him too.
In my world of BDSM no one is selfish.
But I’m sure in the kinky world there’s a fetish for being selfish some where too.
But not in my home.
Not in most that I know of.
Above all Enjoy your Sex life.
Show your partner in every way how much you love them each and every day.
And be careful out there. Don’t think that by just reading an erotic romance novel that it’s enough research.
Knowing your surroundings and your date or partner before you step foot into any sexual or casual situation can make a difference.
That’s all I have for today. Sorry I’m late with this post. I’ve got a lot going on. Hugs all!!
I hope you all had a very sexy Sunday. Or better yet, Save it for Masturbation Monday. And don’t forget the lube.. 😉