Life, Pain and Changes..


So when there are two kinds of pains, and one is going to hurt you and the other is going to change you which hurt do you choose?

Well I didn’t have a choice. When I went for this spine surgery all I know is that I woke up in miserable pain. I felt like I’d been kicked in the back fifty times with hard boots, and then kicked some more for good measure in the stomach too.

Then the fun started. The nausea kicks in and you just keep thinking what on earth have I done to deserve this? When it finally stops you feel a huge weight lift off of you.

But then two days later your BFF hands you a birthday milkshake. Yes It was for my actual birthday, March fifteenth to be exact. And It was an actual vanilla milkshake with sprinkles. So I drank it and it tasted great.

Within thirty minutes of drinking that nice refreshing shake I was suffering again. And this time it lasted all night long.  You start to wonder if you are truly going to make it out of this alive. You don’t want to go to the emergency room but that’s just where you are headed. And you really are glad that someone is going to save your ass, because it sure feels like you are dying.

When you get to this hospital all you can do is cry and say Help Me! Its only when you finally look over at your loving husband that you actually see the pain he’s in. And it’s because he is the one that watched you go through the grueling back surgery and now this horrid pain that’s making you sick.He feels responsible. And it shows.

And so you ask how its going Annie? Was your back surgery a success? Well It’s only been five days and I’ve already been in trouble twice with excruciating pain. And I don’t think my poor husband can handle another day like March 12th or 15th. I know I sure can’t.

So far the surgery has changed the pain. It’s a different kind of pain. I feel  that this surgery is already a success. And the reason I say this is because we were told that there was so much stenosis, which is narrowing of the spinal canal. That I would eventually lose use of my legs and become paralyzed. That can’t happen now.  Yes, I can feel that already. My pain meds are starting to go down. I just have to be careful of withdrawals. We sure don’t need that. And since I’ve been on these high dose meds for so long a withdrawal is quite possible.

The four days before surgery I was such a good girl. I drank plenty of water, and Gatorade for electrolytes, so as to stay well hydrated. We have no idea what went wrong. But we did see my surgeon the next morning which was not scheduled.

He was happy to see us and glad I was walking and talking on my own. He knew I had been through a tough night.  Most of it was with his own nurses and doctors.

So when I told him that my pain levels were already going down he was thrilled. This surgery actually saved my life. We were told that the stenosis was so bad that in a few short years the spinal canal would be cut off. That means I wouldn’t be walking on my own. Paralyzed would be more like it.

So I don’t know why my Pain Management doctor wouldn’t be happy about me taking this chance to have this kind of minimally invasive spinal surgery.

Does pain change you? Yes of course it does. But it can also hurt you at the same time. I won this battle this week. Was it easy? Not in the least. And the week isn’t even over yet. I’m just hoping it ends much easier than it began.

This is what real marriage and love is all about. It’s not about the hot sex. It’s about all the stuff in between the hot sex. The operations and the hurts, the bruises, the stitches, the staples and the tears.

And it’s also the waiting and worrying for eight hrs when your spouse has been told it was a three-hour surgery. Its wiping your wives eyes, her nose and her mouth too when she hasn’t the strength to do it herself.

It’s getting her dressed one leg at a time. Making sure not to hurt her any more than she already hurts.. That’s what a real man does. Pain sure does  change you. But its this kind of pain that can change you for the better. It’s life changing pain.

Thanks for all you well wishes and prayers. I am sure they made a difference. Hugs all!! This was the best I could give today..


35 thoughts on “Life, Pain and Changes..

  1. It’s so good to hear from you my friend. I was starting to get worried. Glad you had some relief from the pain, sorry that you had such a hard time.

    Yes it is so hard on our loved ones to see us go through so much. In our pain we sometimes forget that they are going through their own hell. They love us and would do anything to take our pain away, only they can’t, so they have to watch us be in horible pain.

    I’ve been praying for you and your husband. I know your looking forward to when your back to feeling good. It might take a while, but my friend you’ll get there. Gentle Hugs

    Liked by 1 person

    • Bonnie you hit the nail on the head. This is exactly what I was trying to say. When I looked into Mike’s eyes and saw what he was going through it just killed me. I knew he was feeling everything and more. It’s so rare to find men that will stick by their woman in times of trouble. But there still are a few of us out there. Hold on to your men ladies. These are the best days of our lives. ❤


  2. Well, I am glad to read hope in this post. After what you wrote in comments yesterday, I feared that something awful had happened, with you or your mom, preventing you from going as scheduled.
    The nausea was probably a side effect of the general anesthesia, especially as it lasted more than twice as long as first scheduled.
    Milk is very aggressive on the stomach, which may have been what brought that nausea back. I remember my worst bout of nausea and vomiting was after one of my deliveries. It was due to the laughing gas they’d given me to ‘take the edge off he pain’. All it did for me was make me light headed and nauseous. Maybe hey used something similar on you during the surgery and you reacted similarly to me?

    I am glad that, even though you’re still in pain, you can see the silver lining in this operation. If it means you can keep the use of your legs for a long time to come, even if the decrease in pain wasn’t as drastic as what you hoped for, it was still worth it.
    Also, it’s probably normal that the pain doesn’t go away right away. Your body needs to heal from the surgery first, which apparently was much more invasive than had been planned. Give it some time.

    As for withdrawal… you are right, you don’t need that. So take it one day at a time. Yes, decrease the meds, as much as you can, but make sure to do it slowly. Withdrawal would only put you into more pain again, even if it would be for different reasons, your body and your mind certainly don’t need that.

    Aside from that… HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
    Much love, plenty of healing thoughts coming your way. You’ll get through this just as much as you got through all the rest before!
    XOXO ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • Its the least I can do. With so many people out there struggling with chronic back pain I didn’t really have a choice but to share. If I can help one person do what I’m doing. Throw away the pain meds and get back to a real quality of life than it’s all worth it.. And I do believe I just saved myself some real heartache. It may not be easy but the alternative is so much worse. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I have been thinking about you Annie and wondering how you were doing. There may be light at the end of the tunnel. Know that there are people out here routing for you and wishing your pain away.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Darling friend,

    I am so very happy that you are on the way back up. I’m also terribly grateful they stopped paralysis in its ugly tracks.

    And my fellow traveler, I couldn’t agree more with you if you tied my head to your banister – this is as intimate and real as it gets, the rest is ice cream that may change flavors or may not. Making it through the storms, the tests and the pain of real life are what build a solid relationship. Sex celebrates it!

    So glad to see your smiling face on my PC.

    Love Ya,
    Annie B

    Liked by 1 person

    • This is as real as it gets Annie B.. Right here right now in my Bff’s Florida home. Along with the Florida ambulatory spine centers, and the Sarasota memorial hospital, it’s all gotten as real as it could possibly get in the last six days.

      I lost it today. I am not a saint, never said I was. And with all that’s going on my Mother has now seen my father for the second time in a few weeks. She says the next one he will take her home. So between all that’s going on with my body, head, and my mothers mind I just lost it. Life isn’t all peanut butter jelly time. Sometimes there is havoc that comes along with the pain and perseverance that we are trying so hard to get through. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I am laying in bed with tears streaming down my face after reading your post. It could be the oxycodone or the Valium I am on since having surgery myself yesterday. Nothing as scary as your experience, for sure. Actually, the tears come from completely relating to the love a true partner and husband provides. I have had his unwavering care, attention and love. I have no doubt that it will only speed my recovery, just as your husbands love will help you heal. I wish you nothing but health, happiness and really great sex (eventually😊).

    Liked by 1 person

    • What a sweet thing to say Miss Amelia. I hope you start to feel better too. This surgery stuff is not for everyone. But it’s our husbands, spouses that take the brunt of it all. We are helpless and they are so damn sweet. It’s not easy to give up all control at once. But we have no choice when we are sick. Thanks for your comment. Now go get better so you too can get back to your amazing sex life. Hugs, ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately my friend, so glad that you have Mike with you. He’s a great man! What you have been through in life would make a great book. All the struggles and then the comebacks, you’re a hell of a woman! well wishes to you and Mike always, love sue

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Oh Susie what a nice thing to say. But I’m not the only one with life stories that would blow someone’s mind. So many people out there have such sad, happy, or even historic lives to write about. Mine is just a jumbled mess. But thank you for thinking it’s so interesting, lol. We both come from strong Italian Mothers. They raise us to be as strong if not stronger than they had to be. Hugs my sweet friend.. ❤


  8. Hello my Annie girl! Happy birthday girl, and welcome to the rest of your life! No pain, no gain. A new kind of pain to pull you away from the old kind of pain, of which I pray is temporary. You are loved and blessed and it was all meant to be. Love floats baby! You are in your favourite place with your friends and the love of your life and it’s done. The only way is up now girlfriend, and that’s where you are headed! I’m still sending you healing thoughts and so happy to hear from you here. Sending you much love and Canadian hugs xoxoxoxo Deb

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for those healing thoughts DG. What a horrible week so far. OMG!!! I can’t even begin to tell you all everything that’s happened. But I do think that I am now on the road to recovery. Life sure has a way of sticking it to you at the worst times. I only hope that each day things get better, easier. And I so want to go to the beach. I need to see, feel and smell that ocean on Siesta Key. A drink would be nice but that’s not happening till the very end of this trip. Hope all is well with you and yours. I hear snow is in the forecast for weeks end. Stay warm. I’ll be thinking of you. I so need to work on getting some color on my face.. Love ya!!! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      • So great to hear from you! Yes, the worst is over. They say it has to hurt to heal. Take your time, savor where you are and focus on your healing. Plenty of time for your face to glow! Just keep imagining how beautiful your new life is going to be in Florida, and pain-free. So much to celebrate! I will keep checking on you. Every time we speak you will have healed just a little bit more! ❤ xoxoxo

        Liked by 1 person

        • From your lips to my angels ears. I am so surprised that this surgery has actually given me some relief. I mean yes it was supposed too. But it’s me we’re talking about here, lol. And with all the setbacks we’ve made it through, although maybe setback is just too simple a word for what I’ve been through this week. Ahahah.. Anyway I know the road ahead of us is stronger, paved with so much good that even I can’t screw it up. This next section of life we start living is going to be simply Amazing! and I heard that from my Mom. She wants us to live the life that was taken from her and my Dad. So I have no choice but to get on with it. Can’t wait till we actually meet Deb. Hopefully by then I will be allowed something stronger than Gatorade, Lol. Love You!!

          Liked by 1 person

          • Oh Annie, your back! You always make me laugh! I love what you said, only stop saying the negative sh#$t! Yes, it’s you we’re talking about. You are deserving and have suffered enough. You have earned the right to be happy and pain-free! You went through all this for relief, so don’t be surprised, be grateful my friend. Each day the pain will ease more and you will have a full wonderful life. Never stop believing and never doubt that good things can’t come to you. Get all the negative trash out of your head! Happiness and healing from here forward. I love you too my crazy friend! xoxoxoxo


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