So when there are two kinds of pains, and one is going to hurt you and the other is going to change you which hurt do you choose?
Well I didn’t have a choice. When I went for this spine surgery all I know is that I woke up in miserable pain. I felt like I’d been kicked in the back fifty times with hard boots, and then kicked some more for good measure in the stomach too.
Then the fun started. The nausea kicks in and you just keep thinking what on earth have I done to deserve this? When it finally stops you feel a huge weight lift off of you.
But then two days later your BFF hands you a birthday milkshake. Yes It was for my actual birthday, March fifteenth to be exact. And It was an actual vanilla milkshake with sprinkles. So I drank it and it tasted great.
Within thirty minutes of drinking that nice refreshing shake I was suffering again. And this time it lasted all night long. You start to wonder if you are truly going to make it out of this alive. You don’t want to go to the emergency room but that’s just where you are headed. And you really are glad that someone is going to save your ass, because it sure feels like you are dying.
When you get to this hospital all you can do is cry and say Help Me! Its only when you finally look over at your loving husband that you actually see the pain he’s in. And it’s because he is the one that watched you go through the grueling back surgery and now this horrid pain that’s making you sick.He feels responsible. And it shows.
And so you ask how its going Annie? Was your back surgery a success? Well It’s only been five days and I’ve already been in trouble twice with excruciating pain. And I don’t think my poor husband can handle another day like March 12th or 15th. I know I sure can’t.
So far the surgery has changed the pain. It’s a different kind of pain. I feel that this surgery is already a success. And the reason I say this is because we were told that there was so much stenosis, which is narrowing of the spinal canal. That I would eventually lose use of my legs and become paralyzed. That can’t happen now. Yes, I can feel that already. My pain meds are starting to go down. I just have to be careful of withdrawals. We sure don’t need that. And since I’ve been on these high dose meds for so long a withdrawal is quite possible.
The four days before surgery I was such a good girl. I drank plenty of water, and Gatorade for electrolytes, so as to stay well hydrated. We have no idea what went wrong. But we did see my surgeon the next morning which was not scheduled.
He was happy to see us and glad I was walking and talking on my own. He knew I had been through a tough night. Most of it was with his own nurses and doctors.
So when I told him that my pain levels were already going down he was thrilled. This surgery actually saved my life. We were told that the stenosis was so bad that in a few short years the spinal canal would be cut off. That means I wouldn’t be walking on my own. Paralyzed would be more like it.
So I don’t know why my Pain Management doctor wouldn’t be happy about me taking this chance to have this kind of minimally invasive spinal surgery.
Does pain change you? Yes of course it does. But it can also hurt you at the same time. I won this battle this week. Was it easy? Not in the least. And the week isn’t even over yet. I’m just hoping it ends much easier than it began.
This is what real marriage and love is all about. It’s not about the hot sex. It’s about all the stuff in between the hot sex. The operations and the hurts, the bruises, the stitches, the staples and the tears.
And it’s also the waiting and worrying for eight hrs when your spouse has been told it was a three-hour surgery. Its wiping your wives eyes, her nose and her mouth too when she hasn’t the strength to do it herself.
It’s getting her dressed one leg at a time. Making sure not to hurt her any more than she already hurts.. That’s what a real man does. Pain sure does change you. But its this kind of pain that can change you for the better. It’s life changing pain.
Thanks for all you well wishes and prayers. I am sure they made a difference. Hugs all!! This was the best I could give today..