Body Betrayal? Sexy Sunday #52

 

I love it when my body betrays my mind.

It’s a kind of freedom that lets me be who I am or who I was always afraid to be.

And Yet he knows that.

And always has known that about me.

How is it that he knows when I need his touch the most?

Does he secretly read my thoughts?

I don’t know what I would have done without him all these years.

And especially these past ten months.

The way he walks over and touches me gently and kisses me on the head.

He knows the stress I’m under is tremendous.

I thank my angels that he does.

Without his unconditional love I would have fallen by now.

But not today, not while I have his hand and his loving arms to always catch me.

We won’t give up now not when we are so close and almost there.

Not when I can already taste the salt air on my lips.

 

Our hopes and dreams will finally come true.

And yet we both know it’s going to be bitter sweet.

This year has already taken so much from me, and from us.

And when all is said and done will I or we ever be the same?

When the realization of it all finally shows it’s evil face will I be able to sweep it all out to sea?

And will those Siesta Key sunsets make it all better?

In time they will.

I know that things such as dreams and wishes just never seem to go as planned for us.

As I sit here and write my weekly blog there’s one thing I can assure you.

And that’s with this kind of grief building I have learned a few things.

When those winds of change come passing through I promise you that we are

never going settle for less ever again.

Not When we deserve what others reach for and get.

As I listened to her words of wisdom I realized they are gifts.

She said, “Life will go on as planned.”

“To sit by and wait is not an option.”

“Your surgery must be done.”

“And when I go I will always watch over you as I have always watched over you. ”

She’s so strong, so determined to live out this life with grace and dignity.

And she wants all of her adult children settled.

I will have lost them both five years apart.

My only solace is that two lovers will be as one again.

And so we wait some more.

Each days conversations I just want to hear more.

I hear her hopes and dreams for My future.

The future that we planned together.

And I do my best not to let her know I’m crying.

 

Life is taken in an instant even when it’s spread out over months.

Our plans were made long before the pieces of my heart were taken.

And we may only be a few months behind the move.

This time we’ve been warned. It’s harder to be warned time and time again.

But then you finally hear those elicit words spoken: two to four months of life left.

You know there’s nothing left to do but worry and wait some more.

Promises have been made.

The I love you’s have been said over and over but never seem enough. .

Still it doesn’t get any easier each day I say goodbye.

Not knowing if tomorrow will be that day.

And all I ask is that you Promise me one thing my love.

When that day finally comes, you never let me go.

We finish packing and we do what we’ve said. What we promised her we would do.

I don’t want to waste one minute or day in a place where we don’t want to be.

Life is waiting for us.

I want my body to betray me again.

I want to hear those elicit words from your mouth.

I want you to touch me and touch me again.

I want to be free from this heartache.

And I want to live my life with you by my side watching the sunsets on Siesta Key…

I hope you all have a sexy Sunday and don’t forget the lube.

 

 

This is my life right now. I know it’s not very sexy but the love shines through. Plus it’s all I have to give right now.

This we we were told Mom’s Cancer has progressed. She has two to four months left. Then the waiting on M’s retirement/comp packages, It’s in the lawyers hands. My spinal fusion surgery in March. Which is being done in Florida. Fifteen days to re-coup with no stairs. I’m scared Mom won’t be here but she’s insistent that I go. The spackling, painting while we are packing up thirty years of our of our life. We are pretty much stressed to the Max and stuck in limbo.

 

 

29 thoughts on “Body Betrayal? Sexy Sunday #52

  1. Oh Annie! Such a beautiful post my dear friend. It touches on memories so vividly. Of leaving, knowing we were leaving the last parent behind. She was urging us to be the only ones to follow our dreams. I left that day knowing that I most likely would not make it home in time should she pass quickly but I left with that same maternal blessing to “follow your dream, make me proud”

    I love you Annie. You are such an inspiration and joy to so many. I know you guys are tired, stressed and emotionally taxed. Let the love we all feel for you be your rear guard as you cross the finish line to your dreams.

    Love & kisses,
    Annie B 💛💙💜

    Liked by 3 people

    • I was hoping that someone understood what I was trying to say. Thank you for hearing me Annie B.
      We will get there. Not giving up.
      It’s exactly: “Follow your dreams, Make me proud.”
      We keep hearing from others, “At least you have time to say good-bye.
      At ten months in its basically a long grieving process.
      And Mom’s not even gone yet.
      When my Dad passed it was quick, at 62 newly retired it was unexpected.
      Still hurts, but this is worse.
      And Mom was supposed go with us. This is her dream as much as mine.
      So we won’t leave until she’s gone. No matter when that is.
      My baby sisters need me here.
      With boxes packed, walls newly spackled and painted, we are indeed in limbo.
      But there are still things to be settled. So we wait. No doubts that We are going!!
      When that day comes there will be a big sign on my page,
      and across the back of the u-haul: Florida or Bust!! Love you too Annie B.!!! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      • I totally hear you! I lost Dad quickly too at 66 and my mother-in-law to cancer that took three years of watching her decline. Both took a piece of my heart with them to heaven. It is for THEM that I am pushing to become the WHOLE me and have no regrets. I’ll be watching for that “Florida or Bust” sign with a huge smile on my face.

        Love, Annie B

        Liked by 1 person

        • They sure do take a piece of your heart with them Annie B..
          We will get there. And when we do that sun on my face is going to feel awesome!
          And we will have no regrets, and never take another day for granted.
          We will live our lives knowing that THEY wanted this for us.
          Bitter-sweet is the only way this can and will end.
          My Father in law is not doing well either.

          We have both said that this is the year we get everything we’ve ever
          dreamed of. And the trade off is we both lose our parents.
          It’s hard to be happy when the inevitable is happening.

          Thank you for such kind heartfelt words my Annie B.

          I Promise you That the FOB post will be AMAZING!! Hugs!! ❤

          Liked by 1 person

    • Yes I do Billy, We will get through this. Life sucks sometimes, Cancer really sucks!

      We’ve made a pact: We are leaving as soon as possible. Going to live every single day. Do and see everything.
      This is going to be our time. Living for each other.

      What an amazing adventure it’s going to be. Drinks at SKOB, watch sunsets on Siesta Key, then
      music, dancing, fishing, beaches, more fishing for Mike.
      Living the dream. We will let you know when we leave. Hope to see you and M there one day Billy. Mwahhh! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. You are not stuck in limbo, because every day yo prepare for the life you have been wanting for a long time now.
    Yes, these are stressful times. And yes, you need each other. But you have got each other. And you are working towards your mutual goal. No matter what happens, you will get there.
    This is beautifully written Annie. Yes, I could feel the love and the ache and more love.
    I’m sending you some of my own, along with courage to go through what you must and make it happen.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks Dawn, Love you too! No doubt we will get there.
      Just was hoping Mom would be with us.
      But we will go and live our lives for us as well as for her.
      This is the hard part of life. It sure feels like Limbo.
      Thanks for the courage, love, I feel it.. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  3. So sorry to hear about your mom. I know going through this is hard. I went through the same thing with my dad. Every phone call you think is this the phone call I’ve been dreading?

    I pray your spianal fusion works & that it will relieve your pain. Dealing with workers compensation is another hard thing. They don’t care that you could lose everything you haveThey don’t care what happens to you, nor do they care that your in pain. I think it makes it harder for a man to deal with things like this as they want to make sure we have everything we need.

    So my friend I’ll keep you & your family in my prayers. May healing angels come your way.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you Bonnie, Yes It is harder for a man. He has worked so hard for so long.
      And when he got hurt Pepsi kind of threw him to the wolves. He’s just a number.
      They have their lawyers deciding our fate. If he didn’t have twenty five years and
      seven shoulder surgeries from injuries he sustained on the job we would be screwed.

      We have to believe it’s all going to work out. Thank you for those prayers and healing Angels.
      I’m having surgery in Florida on March 12th. I told Mom she had better be here when
      I get back or I’m not going. She promised she would be.
      I have to believe it when she tells me it’s all going to be Ok. 🙂

      Like

  4. Pingback: Body Betrayal? Sexy Sunday #52 | theresamoretimer

  5. Annie I will always be here for you whenever you need me. Life deals us a hand we don’t always want to play but have to to move on to the next game. Your mom is in my prayers and so are you. My love to you my friend. You are so strong. You feel a pain that you would rather not and still you choose not to let your followers down. I’m so happy to know you and I feel your pain.

    I just had to help Car through the loss of her dad and that was a tough hand. She always thought there would be more time and she put off phone calls as young people do or as any of us do and found that she couldn’t return his call. She would never know what it was that he wanted to tell her. Time passes more slowly when your hurting and wanting to heal, but it does pass.

    I will be a shoulder for you if and when you need it. Your post was beautiful and so poetic. Your love shines through as does your pain. I know that you will find happiness when you feel the warmth of the sun upon your face. Your mom is beautiful! She loves you so deeply and it shows. Love to you both.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you Tre, When my biological father passed I was twenty, My sister was nine.
      Tell your daughter her Dad just wanted her to know that he loved her.
      That’s all our parents ever want us to know.
      The rest is only just Bull-Shit.
      When you see a white feather anywhere point it out to her,
      let her know that it’s her Dad who sent it.
      Might take awhile, but eventually those feathers will come out of know where.
      We just have to look for them.

      Thanks for that shoulder and those words of wisdom.
      We will get through this. It’s just hard right now.
      I even cried at half time, Knowing that it will be the last one Mom sees.

      One day we will meet face to face Tre.
      And there will only be tears of joy.
      Reason being, we will have all made it.
      Love you Tre!! Hugs!!! ❤

      Like

  6. So sorry, Annie, but I truly believe that whatever happens is supposed to happen. I know that doesn’t help. Please don’t take a doctor’s word at face value. They said my grandmother had six months, and she held on for six years. I am not saying it’s the same situation at all, but that even with modern medicine, they can’t know everything. In the end, however, you are right. There is a brighter place waiting on the other side. Hugs, and just know my thoughts are with you.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. He sounds like a wonderful man.
    Your post reminded me of an all time favourite song, which was played as my Ex-WIfe to be walked down toward me with her father at our wedding. I think it might fit for your husband. Hope you like it.

    Wishing you strength in your coming changes, challenges and hard times, and hoping that better times will come soon.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dodgysurfer that song touched my heart and soothed my soul.
      Thank you for sending it to me.
      I will play it for my husband in the morning.
      He truly is my Angel just like Gabriel.
      I don’t know if you know this but I so believe in Angels.
      I believe they are around us everyday.
      Family & People that we’ve known Watching over us.
      So thank you again. Such a kind and heartfelt thing to do.
      Your ex was a fool to let you go..
      Hugs!! O:-)Trying to make an angel emoticon, O;)

      Liked by 1 person

      • It just popped into my head reading your loving words about him. And I only meant to post the link, I didn’t realise it would embed the image! But never mind.
        I do hope things work out in the best way they can for you all.
        As for my Mrs., I think we did that to each other, but it’s very kind of you to say that.
        I have a friend called Gabrielle who believes in Angela very strongly too, and she was very good to me when I needed someone to believe in me.
        Funny how these things go.
        🙂

        Liked by 1 person

        • I’m glad it did post. What a lovely song.
          I don’t believe in Coincidence, we bump into people we
          are supposed to meet.
          We find ourselves in places where we are supposed to be.
          It’s weather we realize the path or not. Hope that makes sense.
          When was the last time you called Gabrielle?
          Might want to send a text just to say hi.. 😉

          Liked by 1 person

          • It’s a funny thing, I just had an impulse to send you that. Sometimes I reckon my impulses are a bit daft and I’ll regret them but I’m pleased you like it. I’ve loved it for years. You are right. I should. I shall. Thanks for that.
            🙂

            Liked by 1 person

Just sayin..

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