Now bear with me on this one. Life has a funny way of working out when you least expect it too. Take my relationship for instance.
When I met Mike I was totally lost. I didn’t even want to go out for New Year’s eve. But my Dad practically pushed me out the door.
We had met briefly the week before. The way he tells it he had to have me, and wasn’t going to stop until he did.
He asked everyone who knew anything about me what my story was. And he didn’t care that I had just been through a horrible ordeal.
I was a twenty-one year old widow. My first husband who I will call shit for brains was mentally abusive. He also disrespected me on a daily basis, and cheated on me the entire time we dated, and the year and half we were married. Yes shit for brains even slept with my maid of honor the night before our wedding. Of course no one bothered to tell me until it was too late.
I’m not going to make excuses, all I’m going to say is that I was twenty-one. I Had been dating shit for brains since I was sixteen. Warning to any women out there, Don’t marry the idiot you’ve been dating since you were a teenager. It’s not love! Get out there and sample the goods before you tie the knot.
All The signs were there but I just chose to ignore them. He kept me for himself. Told me he loved me. Then would threaten me anytime I would say I was leaving. His exact words were; If I can’t have you no one will. Still brings chills down my spine. He never hit me, came close many times, but I’m one of the lucky ones. He was only mentally abusive. I say only because there are so many women out there that either still are or have dealt with both mental and physical abuse.
When I think about it now I was just young and stupid. And I was too embarrassed to call my parents. I didn’t want to disappoint them. How stupid was that? But it’s the truth.
The day I finally left Shit for brains had his girlfriend pick him up from the hospital and bring him to her house the night before. Oh did I fail to mention he was an alcoholic with mental problems. And that I stood by him while he was in rehab for twenty-eight days. And then I also sat by his bedside day and night while he was in a self-induced coma. Well he called her and checked himself out. She brought him home so he could shower and change. That was my breaking point. It’s when I got up the nerve to say ENOUGH! But I don’t think he took me seriously because he left with her anyway.
I called my parents and needless to say they went into protective mode. Before we pulled away Shit for brains pulled up. And I can remember my Dad telling me to stay in the car as he got out. I don’t know what Dad told him but as we were pulling away I looked at Shit for brains. And he gave me an evil stare.
My parents took me home and then put me on a plane the next day. I was safely surrounded by my brother and his thousands of comrades. He was stationed at Shaw Air Force base in S.C..
To this day I am grateful that my parents had the good sense to see what was happening. Because I didn’t see it coming. Three days later my former husband killed himself. I do believe if he had gotten a hold of me I would not be here today.
Mike met me at the door of the house party I went to for New Years eve that year. I remember how I was immediately impressed with him. He was a true gentlemen, so attentive. He took my coat. Then asked the guy I came in with if I was with him. When he said no it was all the information Mike needed.
He got me a drink. And we talked, laughed and connected. He didn’t drink to get drunk. In fact he stopped drinking and had water after only a few. When a man looks into your eyes while he’s talking to you, it’s a show of respect. It’s also so damn sexy.
When the clock struck twelve he went in for the kiss. I had never been kissed like that before. It felt like we were the only two people in the room. Magic happened that night. I’m pretty sure that Cupid must have pulled back his bow. And that magic has been happening ever since. I believe Mike was heaven-sent. Then I think of that stare. If he was it wasn’t by my former husband.
I have always felt safe with my Mike. Always felt loved, and always felt free to be myself. He doesn’t want to change me. He loves me just the way that I am.
I don’t know how he did it but all these years later he has given me the gift of submission. Yes it’s a gift. One that proves he can be trusted. And if it’s at all possible he shows me even more love. And With that love and trust comes respect.
I guess what I’m trying to say is with so much abuse out there be careful who you submit too. Make sure you love and get loved back. And if there’s no respect and you can’t trust that man with your life then think about what you’re giving up.
If you’re going to do it anyway at least have safewords in place. They’re called safewords for a reason. SSC or Safe, Sane, Consensual means just that.
There should be NO fear or intimidation in a D/s relationship or any relationship for that matter. You should be able to trust your spouse/partner completely. And if someone puts you down or treats you like property then by all means get out. If your instincts are screaming for you to wake up and run then listen to your instincts, they’re there for a reason.
There is also another side of BDSM. And it’s where predators are disguised as Dom’s looking for unsuspecting prey. There is no trust. There is no respect. And when you say Red that so-called Dominant doesn’t care.
The bottom line is A true Dominant never belittles, never abuses, and should never make you feel you’re not worthy of his love and touch.
I’m a very lucky woman who just happens to be submissive. I know this without a doubt in the world. I’ve seen and heard the horror stories of how men treat their women. And I believe that men who hurt, abuse, disrespect and take advantage of women should be ashamed of themselves. They should also be locked up in some south American jail never to be seen again.
This weeks’ Sexy Sunday post didn’t go the way I intended it too. I had all intentions of writing about love. But as I was writing I thought it would be a good thing to write about the other side of love and the men who deceive in order to get what they want from women. I know that Fetlife.com has stories on abuse. They also have help if someone needs it.
The other side of love, trust and respect is hate, deceit, and disrespect. No one should have to live a life with any of the former in that last sentence. We all teach others how we want to be treated. If you stay you’re saying it’s Ok and it’s not. Never feel that you will be letting someone down. Or that your family will be disappointed in you for leaving an abusive relationship.
Think about what I’ve said. Then take a breath while you thank your lucky stars that you have the kind of loving relationship you do. And that you’re not being abused.
And if you are in an abusive relationship there’s help. Tell a trusting friend. Ask for help. Just leave. It’s your life after all. And it’s you who decides how to live it. Use your brain. And if you have children, then get them out of that situation. You are teaching them that it’s Ok to let someone hurt and disrespect you. You can do this.
I hope you all have a very Safe Sexy Sunday. And don’t forget the lube.
The National Domestic violence hotline, 1800-799-safe