So I’ve been thinking about this post for a while now. And I’ve come to the conclusion that my readers are ready for this. And I’m ready for this. So here goes.
I posted a picture on my page just yesterday to see what would happen. The caption was Vanilla couples could learn a lot from the BDSM community. And let me tell you a lot of people responded to that post. So this is how I knew it was alright to take my blog up a notch or two.
I’m not saying being in a vanilla relationship is wrong or that a vanilla sex can’t work. There are lots of people who live vanilla lives. And their sex has been vanilla for years. And for most people this is the norm. It works for their relationship. Or does it?
What I am saying is a Dom/sub relationships have a set behavior with customs, and rules. We don’t take each other for granted. You have two people giving themselves to the other. We Both love honor and cherish one another. But here’s the difference. In a D/s relationship the trust, honesty and communication are a must.
If it’s not there then the relationship won’t work, period end of report. Being true to yourself as well as having your partner being open and honest with you can be and is truly liberating.
My husband and I have no secrets between us. We have the same bank accounts. The same last name. We know each other inside and out. He takes me as I am and I him. He knows when I’m having a bad day sometimes before I do. We talk about our feelings and needs. And when he’s not his usual happy self I know to sit down with him and talk about what’s going through his head.
When you do this on a daily basis your relationship grows stronger. It can’t help but not grow. And you become one.
We all see so many couples that say they have it all. They are full of shit. The reason being is they’re not talking about having the actual relationship. They’re talking about material things. The house, the boat, the expensive cars, and the designer duds.
I can live without all those things as long as I have the connection and relationship that I have with my life partner. He truly is the one that knows me best. He gets me better than anyone else. And material things aren’t going to give you that warm and tingly feeling.
Do we argue? You’re damn right we argue. Every couple has arguments. We are individuals. And each of us has our own thought patterns. The difference is he respects my opinions. And I respect his.
When we have a disagreement about something stupid we make sure not to cut deep. I’ve seen this with other couples. It’s mean and hurtful. And sometimes you can’t come back from an argument like that. It’s hard to forget when you are being disrespected. When names are being called you can feel demoralized. I’ve had that kind of relationship. And I was bound and determined to never repeat it.
In a Dominant and submissive or D/s relationship there doesn’t have to be physical contact for couples to connect. Of course there is physical contact but it’s not necessary. There’s a meeting of the minds so to speak. They’re more open and on a daily basis. And the connection can be or is beautiful.
Where as a vanilla relationship communication doesn’t come easy. They don’t work on their relationships. It is what it is. But if you ask any happily married couple that’s been together for a long time. Meaning been in a committed long-term relationship of ten years or longer.
They will tell you that it’s a lot of work. And that it takes communication along with an understanding that the other is more important than you are. It’s the only way to have what they have.
In all relationships it’s give and take. But it’s hardly ever fifty/fifty. Most times I would say it’s seventy thirty. And that seventy is usually on the one that takes care of the kids along with their job, and household chores.
Or in my case; I’m the stay at home disabled housewife. My other half takes on more than he has too. But he does it because he loves me. And he doesn’t want to see me struggle. He doesn’t want to see me in any more pain then I have to be in. And he never complains about it either.
Lets face it life gets in the way of our relationships. That’s the same in D/s relationships. But the difference is the connection is never broken. If the sub’s having a bad day the Dom will make sure she opens up and talks about what it is that’s bothering her. We are not left alone with our thoughts for any length of time. And that’s a good thing. No stewing over something that’s really not that big of a deal. Or if it is a big deal, we work on it together. In doing that your relationship becomes stronger. Are you doing this in your relationship?
Now most of you are thinking what the hell Annie? Why would I want to be in a relationship where I’m a submissive to a Dominant? If you’ve listened to anything I’ve just said it’s really not about being submissive to your almighty Dom. It’s about working together. Most times women can’t get their man/partner’s to talk about anything. But in a D/s world talking is a main ingredient for both.
And I bet you thought BDSM was all about kinky Sex. Well if that’s what you thought you would be wrong. BDSM is a way of life. And more than likely you already know couples that live the lifestyle. But they aren’t open to letting you in on their kinky secret.
Most people don’t realize that the BDSM couple is your neighbor or co-worker. They’re everyday people living their lives just like the rest. But in a D/s relationship the thought of Sexy Sunday starts as soon as they open their eyes on a Sunday morning, and every morning.
The one thing that’s absolutely different in the BDSM relationship is the sex. This is the couple that’s sexually adventurous and they aren’t afraid to try new things. Most times it’s the Dom or the head of household that might bring something new and exciting into the relationship. This is how it happens in my humble abode. And for the sub that’s me, it’s the anticipation of knowing that the sex is always going to be passionate and hot.
I never have to worry about my husband/Dom. He makes sure I am satisfied before he is. There is no five-minute quickie where he dumps his load rolls over and it’s done. That’s just not what happens in most kinky bedrooms, kitchens, bathrooms, dining rooms or garages. Sure there are times when I’m just not in the mood. The difference is I’m not pushed or made to feel bad about it. My Dom is loving, he cares about my well-being. And that’s because we talk about everything.
So there you have it. The jig is up, I am submissive. We are not freaks out at a club every night. We are people just like you. Our way of thinking works for us. And we are mostly happy in our relationships. As with every couple not one is more perfect than the next. But as you all know I’ve been with my husband or Sir for thirty years.
We did the vanilla. And when it got boring it was my Sir who spiced up our sex lives. We’ve always had the connection and the communication. But now we have so much more. I only wish we did it sooner. Cause it just keeps getting better. I hope you all have a #SexySunday. And don’t forget the lube..
PS, I’m hoping now that you can all see why I can’t stress enough in my Sexy Sunday post that communication, trust, honesty, respect, and sex are keys to an amazing relationship. I’ve gone back and read each one and I do see that I am a bit repetitive. I’m going to try to write about different things each week. Thanks for sticking with me. a
http://www.fetlife.com, for more information on the BDSM lifestyle.